dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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