im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
