So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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