Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
