okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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