I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
