I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
