made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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