I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
