no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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