i just wanna soil my oats bro
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
