he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
