I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
