haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
