My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
