AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
