if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
