I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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