Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
