it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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