my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He shit in the fireplace
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
