his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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