You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
