being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
