So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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