I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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