I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
