I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
