i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
