Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
