i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
