I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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