Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
