I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
