There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The cops high fived after they tackled you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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