Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
