Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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