Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
