I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize