Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
