just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
