Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
bring money and cleavage
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
