there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
