I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
