Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
