How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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