Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
