Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
