Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
