He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
