I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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