Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
