yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
smell my finger.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
