Where did you get a picture of my penis
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
