Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
