i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
