My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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