So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
