I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
