I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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